The Mission is the only livable neighborhood in the Bay Area

Some people, ignorant people, call the Mission “loud” and “dangerous” and “shit-riddled”. But it isn’t just a good place. It’s the best and only place to live in the whole Bay.

God I love the Mission. It’s so good, it’s not even close. Where else are you really going to live? You’re gonna live in Noe Valley and develop a prenatal yoga addiction? The other neighborhoods are either characterless food deserts or impossible to get to. And look, we can’t live downtown. This leaves one clear choice: The Mish. I get it, the other neighborhoods of SF are cuter or whatever with their fancy Victorian houses and their steep hills and breathtaking views and all that jazz. But if you want somewhere real and not just some suburbia larping as a city, there is only one place to be.

Not needing a car. I understand if you’re reading this you’re probably so America-brained that you don’t understand the freedom of not needing a vehicle, but god damn this is the whole point of being in a city.

Density. Within a 10 minute walk of my house I can get to anything from hot yoga studios to shisha lounges to unlicensed dentists. I have 5 different ethnic grocers who know me by name. Where do you even buy your spices? And we have a Grocery Outlet. Do I wish a Trader Joes was closer by? Yes. Would I trade for it? No fucking way. You go ahead and suckle on the teat of TJs, I will take my cosmopolitan freedom.

Weather. I heard SF gets fog. I wouldn’t know about that.

Food. I don’t need to explain to you that there’s abundant good and cheap food in the Mission. You need to explain to me how anyone has the money and lack of taste buds to enjoy places like Hayes Valley.

Culture. The rest of SF is uniformly devoid of cultural character. The Mission, on an off day, has a Low Rider festival. There’s Danceoween, Carnival, every Mexican Holiday, and SF’s best bar, Horsies. Everything is in the Mission. Even the Gays venture out of the Castro to claim their own section of Dolores Park and take over the whole thing for Pride.

Counterarguments

It’s gross, there’s poop everywhere

Read Squished Rats and Marigolds about learning to love the Mission. You can do it too.

On my first day living in the Mission District, I slipped on a dead rat while walking to get coffee.

And so what if there’s poop. Are you so divorced from nature and the cycle of life that you can’t appreciate a little poop? Have you learnt the textures and intricacies? Look at it long enough and you’ll learn the difference between dog and human, and then the difference between different humans. Have you learned all the nations flags that people place in them? And then oh how you learn to appreciate the streets without poop. And how you learn to appreciate and love the cleansing rains that wash the poop and sins of the city away.

Golden Gate Park is a way better park

You like pretending to be in a city while being next to a good park.

It’s expensive to be in SF

I’m pretty much making money by not having a car and spending nothing on groceries.

There are other walkable livable places, like Berkeley

Ok, nerd.

There’s too many homeless people around the 16th St Bart Stop

Just get off at 24th St and enjoy the stolen goods market.

Stop gentrifying the fucking place

I’m sorry.

It’s not kid/family friendly

I don’t know how people seriously say this. I see more kids in the Mission than anywhere else. It’s just wealthy tech families that aren’t here. You’re both lame and a racist.

Get a bike, jackass

No.