Every vegan product I shoved in my mouth in February 2025
I did this for you
In this month’s edition, far too many vegan yogurts (none of them good), grilling into Grillo’s, and they turned udon into a sushi log. What will these sickos think of next?
I will go in my classic order
Do Not Recommend: 9 things
Something Going For It: 7 things
Good: 4 things
Phenomenal: 0 things
Content warnings for yogurt are included because my girlfriend1 hates yogurt.
Let’s start with my complaints. I’ve got things to say.
Do Not Recommend
Pocket’s Chocolates — Mocha Almonds
The almonds were bad. The chocolate was bad.
We gotta stop caffeinating everything. Just sit down and have a damn coffee.
Morning Star — Buffalo Chik’N
These are the crazy blandest nuggs I’ve ever had. I had no Idea they were buffalo until I saw the packet. There are so many good nuggs. Why get this?
Grillo’s — Pickle Chips
I love Grillo’s. They’re one of the best pickle brands. So it does me no joy to say that these are a bad product. None of the zing and crisp of the spears.
Sunrise Health and Natural Foods — Udon Sushi Log
It’s a bunch of udon noodles wrapped in seaweed. Cold pre-prepared udon was never going to work well, and there’s not enough flavor.
Points for being funny though.
«CONTENT WARNING: IMAGES OF VEGAN YOGURT »
Kite Hill — Vanilla Greek Style Yogurt
This is… really gross. I had a very bad reaction to it before I wrote. The only Greek-style is the economic crisis that products like this are causing the plant-based industry.
Mia — Carpaccio Style Deli Slices
As far as deli slices go, it’s ok. But it’s just salty and a bit bland. Doesn’t have that delectable wrongness of processed meat slices from back in the day.
I think thinly sliced gluten is an excellent texture direction though.
«CONTENT WARNING: IMAGES OF VEGAN YOGURT »
Cocojune — Vanilla Cinnamon Greek-Style Yogurt
Why does everything have to be Greek-style? We are so far off having good vegan yogurt.
Appreciated though as a coconut dessert, it’s not so bad
No Cow — Chocolate Salted Caramel Dipped Protein Bar
This bar is really gross and I threw it out. But probably worse is how misleading the product photo on the front is. Come on.
(Try their lemon cheesecake bar though, it’s not so bad)
Siggi’s — Peach Yogurt
It’s grainy and overly sweet and too coconutty. Not great.
Something Going For It
The following products are not too bad
That’s it — Organic Dark Chocolate Espresso Truffle
It tastes a little vegan (you know like date and coconut) but not too vegany. It almost tastes a little boozy. Just 60 cals. Fine by me.
Justin’s — Dark Chocolate Peanut Candy Pieces
Look they’re decent. They’re not peanut MnMs. I’m not going to the shop just for these. But I’m happy to be eating them
Lentiful — Pineapple Chorizo
Instant lentils - I’m not upset they exist. They’re not great but they do the trick. They fill me up when I’m bored and don’t taste terrible.
Trader Joe’s — Hold The Dairy Chocolate Mini-Cones
You know them. You love them. Enough has been said about these elsewhere. Tasty little guys, and they’ve got the solid chocolate at the bottom of the cone.
Goodles — Vegan is Believin’ Mac n’ Cheese
You get points for being a fucked up product. You pour a bunch of white powder into the pan with some buttery thing. Once you add a ton of pepper, it’s not so bad.
Sassy Foods — Vegan Pork Buns
They were a little sweet, and it’s hard to do refrigerated buns well, but they were decent. You can get them at Rainbow Grocer.
«CONTENT WARNING: IMAGES OF VEGAN YOGURT »
Icelandic Provisions — Blueberry Oatmilk Skyr
Vegan yogurt has a long way to go, but I think Icelandic is the best so far. At least it can mimic the sweet fruit yogurts with enough masking.
DO NOT get the vanilla one though, it just tastes like oat. It needs the fruit and sugar.
Good
The good stuff
Grillo’s — Hot Pickle Spears
Some of the best pickles in the game.
Gardein — Spicy Italian Ultimate Saus’ge Links
Incredibly good and flavorful sausages. A+. Got them on discount from Grocery Outlet.
B&G — Sandwich Toppers
All B&G pickled chili products are insane. It’s just pure vinegar and spice. Incredible. Got them on discount from Grocery Outlet.
Daring - Cajun Plant Chicken Pieces
Daring is one of the best chickens out there on a normal day, and this flavor is awesome. High protein, great texture. I got better results from pan frying than from air frying.
Thank you for reading.
More highly opinionated content coming your way shortly.
yes, girlfriend